


Baby Why Don't You Give Me A Brand New Start

by GaiaRoseCobain



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Camping, Character Death Fix, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Feels, Clint Needs a Hug, Clint has Netflix, Clint likes pancakes, First Aid, Hurt Clint Barton, Hurt/Comfort, I don't think Phil likes snow anymore after this, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Jemma Simmons Needs a Hug, Light Angst, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nick Fury is Not Amused, Nor does Clint, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Phil Needs a Hug, Steve is emotional, Thor Is a Good Bro, Thor and Steve like Harry Potter, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark likes buying his friends stuff, Top Phil Coulson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaRoseCobain/pseuds/GaiaRoseCobain
Summary: After finding out about how he survived, Phil wants to change his life. And Clint is in his projects. But first of all Phil has to let his former agents know he's not dead.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE: I've re-edited the whole thing, it's not just a wall of text like before. Sorry if I didn't do it right away!
> 
> Ok so this is my first fanfiction ever. As english is not my mother tongue and I'm not used to writing in general, this can be a little repetitive in means of vocaboulary and expressions. I've also already written the whole fanfiction, but I won't publish it all at once for now.  
> The title is from Queen's song "Let me live". The song itself has not a connection with the fic but this line has. Each chapter is connected to a song that I suggest listening to after having read the chapter. I really like analysing songs' lyrics so I thought that matching songs and chapters that had a similar theme would be cool! 
> 
> The story is set after the first season of Marvel Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D (more specifically after the episode in which the doctor tells Phil how they resurrected him) so this won't include the other seasons and consequently the fall of Shield etc  
> Consider it a canon divergence 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this little fic! :)

March To The Sea-Twenty One Pilots

“ _Listen to him!”_  
 _“Stop” begged Phil._  
 _“Who ordered this?”_  
 _“Director Fury himself”_  
 _“This is wrong! Listen to him!”_  
 _“Let me die please, please, please I’m begging you let me die, please, please let me die, let me die please, please! Let me-“_

Phil woke up suddenly, covered in sweat, breathing heavily and sat up. This wasn’t the first time he relived his newly recovered memories during nightmares but it usually wasn’t that bad, the memory was often distorted or different. Sometimes they let him die, sometimes he wasn’t begging to die but just staring blankly at the ceiling, sometimes someone else was there to explain or to save him.

It usually was Clint, sometimes it was Natasha, but at the end it was always about Clint. Whether he actually saved him, or found out about him not being dead, or covered Nat while she retrieved Phil, but Clint was always there. Phil knew why, he wasn’t one who lied to himself. The time when he was convinced he only valued Clint more as a person rather than as an asset was long gone. And soon after he realised he cared deeply for him.

He knew exactly what he was feeling when Clint was injured more seriously for the first time. It wasn’t even that big of a deal, a bullet in the shoulder and a two stories fall who rendered him unconscious for a couple of hours, nothing for an active Shield agent; but in that moment Phil could swear his heart missed a couple of beats. As he watched his agent fall dead weight he suddenly felt fear, fear of not seeing that mocking smile again, and he panicked. He obviously didn’t let it show through his Agent Coulson facade, no one noticed (except maybe for Natasha who looked at him with a confused expression for a fraction of a minute) and he was able to carry on the Op. and call the medics to collect the injured and dead. He barely had the time to glance at the unconscious body for a moment before heading back to base. He wasn’t able to even check on Clint’s status for 7 hours, stuck in his office writing reports and calling the H.Q. So he kept his panic at ease.

When he finally did menage to visit Clint in his sickbay room on the helicarrier, Natasha was there, of course. Phil suspected there was something going on between these two and honestly he hadn’t even cared about finding out what exactly it was, as long as they kept working efficiently. But then, after realizing he cared for Clint- scratch that, he loved him- something hurt deep inside his heart. As usual he didn’t let his persona fall, he kept playing Agent Coulson no matter what until he died, until his last breath watching right into Nick Fury’s eye, when he finally surrendered and let a tear fall, thinking about how he couldn’t regret anything about his life except falling for the one person he couldn’t fall for and worst, not being able to tell him.

Now Phil was in his standard Shield temporary quarters, grey walls and a cold light on his nightstand casting shadows on the small wardrobe, the little desk and the few boxes filled with the little belongings he had. It had been two months since he and the team were back to H.Q. They had to take care for a couple of missions before heading back “home” but now here they were.

The whole purpose of them being back was obviously debriefing and cooling off before leaving for other missions but Phil had a different purpose. Since he found out what actually did happen to him, the only thing he felt was not rage but a bone-deep disappointment. He thought he could trust Fury, even if he knew his loyalty was always to Shield, he could have never imagine what he did to him. Now he wanted to talk to Nick, and that was exactly what was going to happen in approximatively 4 hours.

Phil took his head in his hands and breathed deeply. He knew that he wasn’t going to be easy and yet he was convinced that it was the best thing he could do, and not for Shield, not for the Team, not for Agent Coulson but for Phil the man who stopped truly living about 20 years ago when he first swiped his brand new badge at the front desk of Shield’s H.Q.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil tries to convince Fury to reassign Clint and Natasha to him but it isn't so easy to make Shield's director change his mind.

Wherever You Will Go-The Calling

 

“Phil, now look me in the eye and tell me you’re kidding.”

Phil was standing at the centre of Shield’s director’s office, a large room with a large window-wall. It was furnished with a sleek metal and steel desk, behind which Fury was sitting, looking at him with a mixture of rage and annoyance.

“I’m not Nick, you heard me. I want my old team back. I want Romanov and Barton back. No jokes.” said Phil straightening his tie, with his usual relaxed expression and calm voice.

“Are you out of your damned mind?” said Fury standing up from his desk to face Coulson “They think you died on a helicarrier stabbed by an alien sceptre 18 months ago, and you think I’m gonna let you be their handler again? I’ve got about 20 good reasons not to and the first one is that you being alive is a level 7 classified file and they’re level 6. And even if they were cleared to know about this I wouldn’t let them know because they’re part of the Avengers Initiative and I don’t want fucking Stark or any other of them knowing.”

That was exactly how Coulson expected him to react so he didn’t even blink but just stared at Fury with his little smile.  
After a few seconds Nick regained his control, sat back down and with a sigh asked

“Why? I want a goddamned good reason for you to pull a stunt like this Phil. So now go on and tell me why I should let Hawkeye and Black Widow know you’re not chilling six feet under a stone with your name on it”.

“I want my life back.” said Phil simply, looking into his old friend’s eye “You literally resurrected me days after I died even if I was begging not to, just because i was useful for the agency. So if you really want me to be back to life, if you really want me to be back in the field with the same spirit I had, I’m asking you to have my old life where I was a satisfied human being and not a ghost. Either you give me my old life back, or I start one anew by myself. Resigning. This is my final offer Director.”

At that Fury draw a long breath and shook his head.  
“You know I’m sorry Phil, we talked about it two months ago, it was necessary and I didn’t take that decision easily. But you also know I can’t allow this like that. But I won’t let you resign either. I’m sorry”

“Well I think that something could be done to make this situation less uncomfortable...” said Phil “I think they’re both ready and worthy to be promoted to level 7”

“Let’s say I even did that, then what? How are you planning to tell them? What about your new team?”

“My new team worked together for barely 5 months, they still have a lot to learn about and I’m sure Agent May could handle them.” he simply said “As how am I going to inform Romanov and Barton, I’m sure there’s not a right way and I would remind you that it will be your fault if they don’t take it well.” said Phil standing up and Fury rolled his eye clearly annoyed.

“Now if you don’t mind I’ve got some termination paperwork to fill in, in case it’s needed. Think about what I said” and with that he left the office. As he left he could hear Fury’s cursing and despite the situation he allowed a smirk to crack on his lips.  
###

A couple of days later, Phil was walking down one of the innumerable hallways of the Triskelion, cup of coffee in the right hand and resignation papers in the other one. He gave Fury some time to take a decision and, in all honesty, he was sure it would have ended this way. He never truly believed to have his terms accepted and he was okay with it. He simply was tired of not being able to make decisions on his own and now, even if this solution was not the ideal one, he was still convinced it was for his own good. He thought he could maybe buy a house somewhere in Europe and start over, maybe put his History degree into practice, for either teaching or research projects. One way or another his life had to change, or he felt he would have gone insane before one could say Shield.  
While calmly walking to his destination he nodded to the many agents who greeted him with the usual “Good morning, sir” feeling only a small clench to his stomach. He would still have a couple of days to deal with formalities and his team before actually leaving. He had time to say his goodbyes this time.  
He wasn’t sure if he would actually miss his job after all, but it absolutely would take some time to get used to living a civilian life again. It would be a challenge. And the biggest one would have been to actually not even being able to hope to see Barton again. But he was a grown man, he could, he would deal with it one way or another.

When he finally made it to Fury’s assistant desk he was told to go inside, so he did. As he approached the director’s desk he handed out his paperwork saying nothing. Fury was as silent as he was while he turned back towards the door but he was stopped by Nick’s sharp voice.

“Agent Coulson your team is waiting for you in conference room 3 in ten minutes. They deserve to know what’s going on”

Phil sighed, he knew that was coming. “Yes sir.”

“At 1100 you will join me in my office for Romanov and Barton’s promotion and following debriefing about level 7 intel. You don’t want to be late for that.”

At that Phil’s heart stopped. He really hadn’t expected that. At least not without further discussing. But a few moments later, as he answered with a “Of course director”, he didn’t let his surprise effect his voice. He simply left the office and headed to the conference room with his heart a little bit lighter.

When he entered, the whole team was there sitting at the big holo-table. Fitz and Simmons were lively arguing about the new shotgun they were customizing for Skye’s training, Skye was working to god knows what on her computer, while May and Ward were sitting silently. When they heard him clear his voice they all looked at him, expecting. He gave them a look and then started talking.

“Okay team, I have some news you might don’t like, but I expect you to accept, as the decision is now irreversible.” he paused releasing a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding.“From today, I would not be your handler anymore. May, you have been assigned to take my place.”

He barely managed to finish the last sentence when three voices started protesting.

“What? You can’t do this to me Coulson! I’ve just started getting used to call you sir!” cried out Skye standing up and throwing her hands in the air.

“Oh no sir are you well? Did Fury do this? I can’t believe it” exclaimed Jemma, in a mixture of worry and incredulity.

“No way, sir! Why would you even accept that? We just started working put as a team! I even took part to a mission and managed not to die! You’re perfect for us!” blurted out Fitz, his British accent stronger than ever when he was pissed off.

Ward and May just exchanged a confused look and then stared at Coulson suspiciously.

“Enough!” Phil said calmly “I figured that you would not like this new arrangement and I believe I owe you an explanation.”

They all stared at him in silence now, eager to know more. Skye even sat back down on her chair, butt she still was snorting at the sentence, probably doubting his honesty.

“Since my former team has been promoted to level 7, I don’t need to fake my death to them anymore and I’m then going back to be their handler. Trust me when I tell you not to take this personally, I worked very well with you but believe me, this is the best decision. For me, for you, for Agents Romanov and Barton and for the agency itself.” he finally said.

“So are you basically leaving us for the Avengers? That’s a low blow!” Skye protested.

“I am not leaving you, and even less for the Avengers.” he then turned to look at May “We will still run Ops together, our two teams combined could be a useful asset, of that I am sure.”

May nodded “I believe I should thank you for the opportunity then”.

“No you don’t. I trust you to take care of them all” he turned back to the others “Now if you excuse me I have another meeting to get ready for. I will see you in our next meeting with the strike team delta.”

At that all of them nodded. But he could hear Fitz babbling in disbelief and Skye cursing under her breath.

“Skye I heard you. You and I will be still in touch for your training don’t worry” he smiled at her.

Ward looked him and spoke for the first time.

“Good luck with the widow sir” he said, his eyes telling Coulson he respected his decision.

Fitz had a hand on Simmons’ left shoulder and was rubbing his other one on her back, while she had her eyes drawn to the floor and sighed, her breath shaking.  
Before leaving he called her and gestured to follow him.

Once outside he put both his hands on her shoulders and said with a sweet voice “Jemma, look at me”

She did, her eyes watery and red.

“I know you and Fitz always worked only with me but trust me when I tell you you’ll do just fine and that you will see me often. Take care of one another will you? I don’t want Melinda to tell me you jumped off a plane again. I really meant it when I told you we care about you and would hate to lose you”

She nodded and he could see a tear rolling down her cheek.

“It’s all right don’t cry. Come here” he drew her into a hug “I know you needed this but don’t tell May or she’ll mess with me for ages”

At that she laughed and then drew apart to get back to her team, murmuring a weak “Thanks sir, goodbye”.

He smiled at her and headed to his office. After all, thought Phil, that didn’t go bad.  
The real tough part was waiting for him in Fury’s office in about 40 minutes.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys the prologue and the first chapter have been uploaded only two days ago and I already have kudos! Thank you so much! I've decided to upload the second chapter now, but if you need me to slow down with the uploading schedule just tell me in the comments!:) Also, are you guys enjoying it? If you have any questions just let me know! I'll be happy to answer them!:)
> 
> So in this chapter Phil finally meets his old team for the first time in months and let's say Clint's not happy...

Gotten-Slash ft. Adam Levine

As Phil got in his office he sealed his door shut and let himself fall on the stiff leather sofa in the corner, undoing his tie just a bit to breath better and sighing. It wasn’t often that he let go like that, even when he was alone, but he thought that having to figure out what to say to two of the most important people in your life how come you’re not in a graveyard where you were supposedly buried 18 months before, was a good enough excuse.

He stared at the plain grey ceiling trying to come up with an idea. The fact was that Natasha and Clint were really the two people he cared about the most. He started working with Clint when he was just a young man who needed guidance and a good reason not to drink himself dead whenever something went wrong. Phil still didn’t get how but he managed to be a good support for that boy and get an amazing agent out of him. They had been a team for 6 years when they met Natasha in Budapest and he immediately saw good potential in her. He saw the scared child, who was only taught how to fight, right behind her big and angry green eyes. The first months together were not easy but after overcoming a few difficulties they were soon the best team shield had and in that team each of them found the family they did not have. Not that they ever admitted it or got compromised by that, but it was a nice feeling nonetheless to have someone to trust and to share a safe house with.

And that right there was the problem. He knew they would be happy to find out he was alive yes, but he also knew what they would feel immediately after relief would be betrayal. They would certainly get over it, yes, but it would take time.

Both Romanov and Barton were more than aware that Shield could hide pretty much whatever they liked from them, and they were okay with it. But they would never have expected Coulson to respect Shield therms in such a condition because they hadn’t actually thought about something like their handler resurrecting to happen. As long as Natasha knew, she saw her handler dead body being transported away from where Hulk’s cell was. She saw blood staining the white bag he was put into, she saw sorrow in Fury’s eyes. And Clint probably last saw him being murdered in some security feed video. They would never suspect him to be still around.

Phil knew they would be angry at him for not letting them know before, for not having ignored Fury’s orders and reached out for even just a cryptic message to let them understand.

But Phil also knew they wouldn’t blame him nearly as bad as they would blame Fury, they would forgive him, sooner or later.  
So after half an hour of thinking about what to tell he was pretty sure he knew how to proceed so he stood up, fixed his tie, took a big breath and headed off towards the director’s office.  
###

When Natasha and Clint entered Fury’s office, they found him standing facing the big window behind his glass desk over which a few holograms with statistics and maps where floating. It was going to be a hell of a big talk, thought Natasha as they approached.

“Agent Romanov, Agent Barton, sit down” spoke the director.

When they did, Fury remained silent for a few moments and just as Natasha was opening her mouth to talk, she was stopped by Fury.

“I suppose you two are wondering why are you here, and let me tell you, I am kind of wondering myself” he said dryly.

Natasha raised a brow at the ‘what the hell’ expression Clint shot her.

“Sir, if I may, I am pretty sure we didn’t screw up a mission as we hadn’t been given one in, uhm, three weeks…” teased Clint with his signature smirk, playing with a broken arrow end.

“No Barton you did not. Actually you’re here for pretty much the opposite reason” he paused and finally turned to look at them “Welcome to level 7”

At that even Natasha couldn’t resist asking “Excuse me sir?” shooting her eyebrows up and glancing suspiciously at Clint who was still babbling something between ‘How the fuck?’ and ‘You serious?’ not sure if he was being played or something.

“You heard me. You are now agents of level 7. Congratulations.” he said dryly. They could see he was not pleased.

“Well…t-thank your sir but- How- Why?” asked Clint restless in his seat.

“Let’s just say a certain senior agent put a good word on you two and gave me no choice.”

“Who is that sir? I thought you didn’t do being cornered” said Natasha with a smirk

“Oh I bet it was Sitwell, I know the guy has something for my forearms Nat, I tell you.” Clint joked.

Natasha smacked him in the back of his head and looked at Fury expectantly.

“Yes, about that, I think that this will be the first Shield classified intel you are going to be debriefed about.” he said Fury clenching his fists around the edge of his desk, visibly irritated.

He then pushed the button that connected him with his secretary’s desk and spat out “Let him in.”

The agents turned their necks to see who was coming, Clint with his smirk, and then froze, baffled and shocked.  
Coulson.  
Agent Philip Coulson was standing at the centre of Fury’s office looking at them, very much alive, instead of in a casket somewhere underground.  
Natasha, after a moment of disbelief, dared to speak first.

“Coulson?”

“Hello Romanov” answered Coulson smiling faintly at her, guilt clearly visible on his face.

This couldn’t be real. Natasha immediately turned to look at Clint, who was looking at his former handler with an expression in between murderous and impassible, his cocky expression completely gone. He didn’t say a word. The only sound he made was a rough breathing through his nostrils. Natasha put a hand on his forearm and called him. He barely acknowledged her by tensing the muscles on the arm she was touching, but he kept looking at Coulson, almost daring.

“Barton, it’s good to see you” Phil dared saying

The answer was a loud snort. Well wasn’t what he had expected, thought Phil. He had prepared himself for being screamed at or having to run from two highly skilled assassins. He took a deep breath and then spoke.

“As you can see I am still on the game.” he dared joking “You can trust me when I tell you you will soon have answers. I will soon resume my place as your handler, and you will be debriefed about what you need to know” he said looking at both of them.

He couldn’t even begin to talk again that he was interrupted.

“Yeah debrief my ass, _sir_ ” spoke Barton for the first time with rage in his voice, and with that he stood and left the office, throwing the arrow end at a wall.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update! In this chapter we finally find out what's wrong with our favourite archer and the avengers are here! I really wanted to put Sam and Bucky as well, but as I'm following the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. timing, at this point Shield didn't fall yet and so Steve hasn't met Sam nor the Winter Soldier.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Also, do you guys actually read this? You like it? I can tell somebody does by the kudos but it would be nice if someone commented as well :) It's more that I need to know if you're all right with the updates schedule. I was planning to post updated every 3 days or something, as I've been doing for now but if you want them more often or more spaced out, just tell me:)

CHAPTER 3  
I Don’t Love You-My Chemical Romance

Coulson watched the man he loved leaving the room with a fast pace, mixed feelings flowing through him. He expected such a reaction, if not even a worse one but he still felt bad about breaking the news like that. In fact, he had been surprised when Barton was initially silent, and braced himself for an outburst of rage. On the other hand, though, he felt amazing for just having seen him after so long. It felt like a glass of ice water after days in the desert. It had been a shock and a relief at the same time. He hadn’t actually realised how much he truly had missed him until he saw him again, 18 months of grieving Clint’s presence suddenly weighting on his shoulders, and at the same time being shaken off.  
He pondered a moment about whether it was wise to follow him or not and he got his answer when he moved, because Natasha interrupted him.

“Let him be. He will get over it, but now he needs to deal with it by himself.”

“Okay…” answered Phil “I will tell you and Barton when and where our next meeting will take place” he then nodded at Fury and left, his hands shaking just a little.

Natasha stood in place for a couple of moments, then huffed and decided to follow him.

“Wait, Coulson!” she called and reached out grabbing his shoulder.

“A word” she said, then she took him in a nearby conference room of some sort and, crossing her arms over her chest and locking her eyes on his, told him “Listen, I am very upset by this whole thing but you have no idea how Clint is feeling. You cracked him open with this little show you did. He is not pissed, he’s furious. I don’t know why but I know he is, I saw it in his eyes. So don’t expect him to be so manageable so soon. You fucked up Phil.”

That was the understatement of the year.

“I know Nat…” he sighed “But believe me, that’s what we all needed”

She snorted but said “It’s a little hard for me to believe you right now. But that being said, it’s good to see you” and then she left, a small smirk on her lips.  
###

When Natasha arrived at Stark Tower’s garage driving her Jeep she was greeted by Jarvis’ polite voice.

_“Good afternoon Ms. Romanov, was your drive pleasing?”_

“It was okay Jarvis, thank you” she answered turning off the engine and getting off the vehicle.

_“Do you require any assistance, miss?”_

“Yeah Jarvis actually I was wondering where the hell is Clint” she asked entering the elevator in the far corner of the big garage filled with vintage cars and luxurious new ones.

_“Mr. Barton is currently in the gym practicing his boxing skills, miss”_

_“_ And how long has he been there?” she asked, already suspecting it must have been for long as he took their Quinjet when he left, leaving her to drive from D.C. to NewYork.

_“Approximately 1 hour and 38 minutes”_

“And he has been punching all this time? Non stop?” she already knew the answer, of course, but being a bit hopeful.

_“Yes, he has.”_

“Great, it’s worse than I expected...Where can I find the others?”

_“Mr Stark is currently in Vancouver with Miss Potts as you already know. You can find Mr. Odinson and Captain Rogers in the living room while Doctor Banner is in the laboratory conducting some researches.”_

“Thanks Jarvis, take me to the penthouse please”

_“Of course, miss”_

As the elevator started its climb Natasha let out a frustrated breath. She had hoped that it would not have been necessary to let the other avengers know about Coulson’s ‘resurrection’ but if Clint was in this state she knew they would have suspected something was wrong and she decided it better to tell them right away, and for now Steve, Thor and Bruce were enough. She thought Bruce and Steve could explain Pepper and Tony. She didn’t care if Fury was all right with that. Now she had bigger problems.

When she entered the large and luminous living room, Steve and Thor were sitting on one of the big grey couches with popcorn and pizzas, talking animatedly with excited expressions. Steve was the first one to notice her.

“Hey Nat! Thor and I just finished watching the third Harry Potter and were about to start the fourth one, wanna join? Clint says it’s one of the best ones!” he said while looking for said movie in the enormous movie library Tony supplied the Tower with.

“Maybe another time Steve, I’ve got pretty big news.” She said sitting on an armchair.

“What has occurred Lady Natasha? Is everything all right?” toned Thor furrowing his eyebrows, visibly concerned.

“Well, anything’s wrong but you’ll understand in a moment” she assured them “Jarvis care to call Doctor Banner?”

_“He is currently on his way, I informed him of your intentions 40 seconds ago”_

“Thanks Jarvis, you could as well record our conversation and send it to Stark when we’re done, it will be easier.”

_“Of course, miss”_

In that moment Bruce entered the room and sat on a sofa.

“What happened? Did Tony blew something up in Vancouver as well?” he said taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

“Nothing of the sort, that I know” said Natasha “But I’ve big news”

“Okay tell us, please Nat I really want to watch that movie and the other ones before bedtime” complained Steve

“Ok, then...” she paused and looked at them “Coulson is alive”

“What? How- He was- His blood-My cards...” was Steve’s confused reaction

“How is that even possible? I mean I’m glad but...” said Bruce blinking.

Thor instead exploded in a goodhearted laugh.

“Oh how full of joy am I to gain knowledge of such a fortunate fact! I knew the Son Of Coul was a great warrior, although my brother’s actions were very lethal. I had not expected him to survive such a deep injury...But now we ought celebrate!”

Natasha couldn’t repress a little smirk at that.

Then Thor added “I shall inform my fair Jane, Lady Darcy and the good doctor Selvig. The will no doubt rejoice!” and started messing with a cellphone.

“Does Clint know?” asked Steve “He came here a couple ‘hours ago but he didn’t seem so happy...In fact he almost broke a chair that was on his way.”

“Yeah he knows and he’s not happy” Natasha sighed “According to Jarvis he’s been torturing a poor punching bag ever since you last saw him” Natasha told them.

“How is that? Is he not relieved that his shieldbrother is alive?” Thor was extremely confused.

“He should but I think he’s just extremely angry right now”

“Do you have any idea why?” asked Bruce worried

“A couple...I’m going down right now to try and find out...Just don’t mention Shield, of Fury, or Coulson if you see Clint okay?” they all nodded.

“ _Sirs, Miss, I just thought it opportune to record Mr. Stark’s reaction”_ announced Jarvis, and then Tony’s voice filled the room.

_“That coolfaced son of a bitch! And to think I even went with Pepper to his fucking grave on his’ death’s anniversary! That bastard...I need a drink”_.

At that they all laughed and Natasha left, headed to the gym.  
###

When she approached the glass doors of the gym she could already hear the banging sound of fists on the thick leather of the punchbag and after a couple of moments she entered and saw Clint in the far corner. He was covered in sweat and breathed out angrily with every hit. When she went closer she could see red stains on the light material of the sack.

“Clint” she called. Nothing. She tried again, raising her voice “Clint!” Again, no answer.

She crossed her arms on her chest and with a firm but raised voice exclaimed “Clinton Francis Barton stop it now or I will have to do it myself!”

At that he stopped and spat out “What?”

“Look at me. Let me see your hands, they’re bleeding” she said touching his shoulder.

“It’s nothing, just a scratch” he said, still giving his back to her, breathing heavily.

“Clint for God’s sake look at me!” she said and forcedly turned him by yanking his shoulder.

What she saw, she wasn’t used to. His face was red, his forehead sweaty, his eyes red and puffy, tears running down his cheeks. Clint had been crying and that alone was already unusual, even if she had seen him cry before, after Coulson’s funeral for instance. But what she wasn’t used to see was his expression, so pained and cracked that her heart sank. She put both her hand on his cheeks, wiped away the tears and looked him into his eyes.

“Talk to me Clint” she told him with a sweet voice she rarely used.

“No need” he murmured, lowering his eyes.

”I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the heck is happening.”

“Didn’t it occur maybe that I don’t want to tell you a damn thing?” he spat out finally looking at her, eyes wild.

“Oh I’m so sorry if I am worried for you! You’re not yourself Clint.”

“I am fine, you have nothing to worry about” he insisted, and hurried for the doors, towards the elevator.

Natasha followed him. When they were inside the elevator she pushed a finger into his chest.

“The hell you’re fine! I can totally understand you may be upset because Coulson didn’t tell us right away he was alive, I am too. But you shouldn’t be reacting this way! Hell, you should be a little happy! I know something’s wrong Clint. Why are you reacting like that?”

“Because I’m angry maybe? I don’t know you tell me Nat”

“Don’t play me. When you’re angry you don’t act like this. Why are you so furious? Tell me.”

She followed him as he didn’t answer and headed to his room with a fast pace. When he entered he didn’t even try to keep her out of it, he knew it was pointless.

“Clint. Why are you so angry with him?”

_“BECAUSE I FUCKING DIED MYSELF WHEN I LOST HIM AND NOW HE COMES BACK AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE!”_ he screamed, tears staining his reddened cheeks.

She took him by surprise when she pushed him on the bed and then followed, drawing him in a tight hug and started singing a sweet song in russian as she usually did to soothe him. At first all he did was staying tense and breathing heavily but after awhile he finally relaxed and started sobbing into her shoulder.

“Shhh I know дорогой, I’m sorry.” she massaged his back drawing circles with a hand and caressed his hair with the other one.

They stayed like that for a several minutes, then Clint’s cracked voice broke the silence.

“I-I know I shouldn’t- I mean he didn’t have to tell us but...I feet like shit Nat, it was really bad...” he sank again his head in the crook of her neck.

“I’m sorry Clint, I didn’t know you considered him so much of a friend”

At that he emitted a chocked sound and started shaking his head, new tears wetting Natasha’s T-Shirt.

“No what Clint?” she asked softly “You don’t consider him a friend? I don’t understand I-”

“Nat it’s not that” he said drawing back to look her in the eyes “I fucking love him, for God’s sake” he murmured, shame staining his voice.

“Oh darling I didn’t think- I’m so sorry Clint, I only thought you might have had a little crush on him a few years ago but- Oh Jesus, I’m sorry. Come here”

She again draw him in a soft and welcoming hug and laid them both back on the mattress, kissed his forehead and cradling him tried again to calm him as a new outburst of tears and sobs shook him.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More interactions between our favourite agent and Clint! Phil is the most patient soul to live on this planet and I love him so much, I love writing him! I'm still watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and I love him more with every episode.  
> Also, here begins the Clint POV. At first I was planning to write all their interactions in Phil's POV but as the story went on I felt like mixing it would have been best, and towards the end it's almost only Clint's POV. It just worked out best, imho. But you'll see when we get there! Enjoy! :)

Sad-Maroon5

When Clint woke up he groaned at the light striking his face. He looked at the clock on his bedside table and groaned once again. It was 9:07. He had clearly overslept after yesterday’s emotional breakdown and that was clearly a mistake as he had a meeting with the walking reason of said breakdown in about an hour. Fuck it.

He stumbled out of bed rubbing his eyes and dig into the pile of clothes in the corner to find a decent pair of trousers and a shirt that wasn’t too crumpled. He then put on a pair of weary boots and headed to the common kitchen with the only objective of drinking at least 3 cups of black coffee, and fortunately no one was there.

As he waited for the kettle to heat up he caught sight of his reflex in the polished refrigerator door. Damn he looked like shit, his eyes were red and tired, black circles under them, his cheeks pale and his mouth closed in a hard line.

‘Well’ he thought ‘At least I look as horrible as I feel, it’s more matching than my socks...’ and he then went to pour himself a steaming cup of coffee.

As he sipped it he thought about how fucked his life was. First, his parents incident, then the orphanage with that bastard of his brother, then the circus with all its complications (he really didn’t suspect his basically family and brother being fucking thieves) and when he finally settled in Shield he fell in love with his superior, and got possessed by a psychopathic emo alien with an inferiority complex who then killed the man he loved, except for the part in which said man wasn’t dead-dead and came back like he only went on vacation. Great, just great. At this point he wouldn’t be surprised if anything happened, apparently God had a favourite comedy called “Clint Barton’s life”.

He needed a holiday. He put his mug in the dishwasher and got back to his room to grab a jacket and sunglasses before leaving StarkTower to reach NewYork’s Shield H.Q.

When he got there he immediately headed to his Highlander handler’s office where, of course, he found Natasha and Coulson already there waiting for him. Phil looked a bit nervous while Natasha was clearly irritated.

“It’s about time...” she said when he sat on the free chair in front of Coulson’s hardwood desk.

His office was the exact opposite of Fury’s one: as it was in an old NewYork industrial building it had big glass and steel windows with opaque glass that diffused the light in a relaxing way. A big brick wall with several shelves full of books and collectable objects was behind the old wooden desk where Coulson was standing at. In front of him Nat and Clint were sitting in big brown leather armchairs.

When Coulson greeted him, Clint didn’t answer, looking at he windows that were apparently more interesting than his boss. Coulson sighed.

“Ok Agents, I owe you a sort of explanation. As you already know, when Loki stabbed me, my heart was sliced into two, I did actually die. I was dead for days. But then Director Fury decided to bring me back to life using an actual alien drug Shield has synthesized using a dead alien body. Afterwards they had to erase my memories of the recovery and actually rewrite new ones. The process was inhumane and now that I regained my memories I remember it, all of it. Myself begging to die included.” he paused.

“When I was completely recovered, months had passed and even if my first thought were you two, I could not came back. Fury was dead set about it. I was given a new team, worked with them a couple of months...but then I understood that I wasn’t working well as I used to and I found out about what they did to me. So I decided I wanted to start over. I managed to convince Fury and here I am...” he finished looking at his two agents and shrugging.

Natasha eyes were wide and empathy was visible in them. Clint had his fists clenched and his eyes on the floor, silent.

“Oh Phil i’m so sorry...I didn’t think you went through so much” said Natasha putting her hand on the one Phil had on the desk.

“It’s okay...I’m okay now, it was tough but now it’s all right, thanks Nat” he smiled weakly at her.

What he didn’t expect was Clint’s sudden question.

“You understood you weren’t working like you used to and you decided to start over by coming back to us? What the fuck does that mean?!” he spat out angrily “You just decided that it was okay? What the fucking fuck were you thinking?” he snapped looking at Coulson for the first time.

“Clint I...” tried Phil.

“No don’t. I can’t- I just can’t...You’re unbelievable! Now I seriously need a fucking holiday. For fucks’ sake.” he stood up and pointed at the man “I’m done. I’m seriously done. I’m taking a break. And don’t fucking try to stop me, both of you” and he left the room.

“That’s great...I managed to seriously piss him off twice in two days...” murmured Phil letting himself fall on the chair and pinching the bridge of his nose “Do you seriously think he’s gonna leave?”

“Absolutely. He does have a house somewhere on the Rockies. He has already left once, when his hand got hurt. Remember?” said Natasha “If I were you i’d try to talk to him before he leaves, he has a room at Stark Tower now...” she suggested.

“Thank you Nat, I’ll try...”

###

When he arrived in front of Clint’s door an hour or so later, Phil stopped and took a long beep breath. He was not sure what to say, what to do, but he knew he had to try and make things better. Hell he didn’t even manage to actually have a conversation with the guy but he had to try his best now. After another big breath he knocked on the door. The door opened and Phil heard Clint's voice.

“Listen Buddy I just told you I’ve got a cabin. I don’t wanna come to Asgard there’s your fucking broth-” he stopped as he saw who it was and remained silent for a moment “What do you want?” he spat out.

“May I come in? Please?” said Phil sheepishly.

“I’ve already told you not to try and stop me”

“I don’t wanna stop you I want to explain” said Phil.

Clint exhaled heavily and mumbled “If you must...” and then stepped aside to let him handler in.

When Phil entered he was took by surprise: Clint quarters were always neat and organised, even if he was spending only a couple of days in a shitty motel room, he always kept his things in order. But this room was like an explosion of stuff everywhere: clothes were amassed on the floor, a chair and the back of the sofa, empty food containers lay on the coffee table, arrows were lying pretty much everywhere and there were three throwing knives pinned to the wall beside the TV. Phil was honestly shocked and turned to look at Clint who was gracelessly pushing clothes and toiletries in a large duffle bag.

“What-Why is your room such a mess Barton?” he asked baffled.

“What? You’re gonna scold me about my room now? Are you my fucking mother. Sir?” Bit back Clint.

“No it’s just that your rooms were always so tidy...” but he was interrupted by Clint.

“Well you know I wasn’t exactly worried about the state of my room while I was trying to elaborate the fact that I killed a bunch of agents as a fucking alien played with my head and I thought that my...my friend had just _fucking died_!” he said, almost shouting.

“Clint I’m sorry just let me explain...”

“Yeah okay. Let’s hear what excuse do you have this time Agent Coulson. Come on, shoot” he said dryly looking at Phil almost daring.

“When I found out about what Fury did to me to resurrect me, I decided I wanted my second life to be different from the old one, I wanted to make my decision and take back what I wanted. And believe me, all I wanted was having you and Romanov back, Clint. Nothing else. You were the most important thing I had. I told Fury that if he didn’t let me have you back I would have resigned. I was damn serious about it” he explained and then looked at the large window waiting for a reaction.

“You wanted us back? For you to be happy? And what about us? Didn’t you think about us?” Clint said incredulous.

“I thought you would be okay with that, I thought-”

“No. You just don’t understand! That’s why I’m fucking furious right now and that’s why I’m leaving! You don’t even try to understand Phil! Now please just let me go and don’t look for me” he said exasperated

“O-Okay...just...take care, will you?”

“I took care of myself damn fine for the 18 months you were dead, sir” and with that he collected his luggages and left slamming the door, leaving Phil to stand in his room, defeated.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update! This is just a transition chapter, nothing big happens. I don't live in the U.S. so I hope I picked a good location, I actually spent some time doing researches on google and it seemed right. Also, Tony is finally here! I hope you'll like it! Enjoy:)

One Call Away-Charlie Puth

When Clint got in the garage of Stark Tower he saw Tony bended over the open bonnet of an old Ford Camaro SS, his hands covered in grease. When he heard the elevator doors opening he looked up.

“Hey Legolas, where you goin’?” he asked cheerfully.

“I’m taking a couple of days off, I’ve got a cabin on the Rockies, near Keystone” he said loading his truck with his belongings.

“You sure you don’t prefer going somewhere hotter? it’s gonna be damn freezing on the mountains, it’s almost December and it’s going to snow even in Colorado. I’ve got a couple of holiday homes in the Maldives and Hawaii if you want...” he offered smirking.

“Nah buddy, I’m fine thank you. I was actually planning to spend my time snowboarding and sleeping by the fireplace” answered Clint.

“Whoa Robin Hood that’s kind of depressing but hey, you do you...”

Clint chuckled and walked around the bright green car whistling in approval “You’ve got a pretty lady here Stark...Is she new?”

“Yeah” said Tony smirking “I got it for Bruce, you know, for when he needs to take a break. That’s why I painted it green. He actually shouted at me when he found out how much I spent on her between the original price and the reparations but hey he’s a friend and I like spending money on friends” he shrugged.

“Well if you don’t know what to give me for my birthday, know I like Mustangs” joked Clint “I’d better go now...before somebody tries to restrain me...” he added.

“Hey, if you need something you tell Jarvis ok? I’ve connected your phone to him” Tony winked.

“Yeah sure, thanks Tony” said Clint and the got into the car, started the engine and left the garage.

It was going to be a looong trip but he was prepared with a mega playlist and snacks, besides he needed that: just driving and singing at the top of his lungs. Getting drunk had to wait until he actually got to the cabin, he was an emotional disaster but he wasn’t actually planning to die in a car accident. He drove out of NewYork and took the highway.

###

When he arrived in Keystone he went for a quick tour of a couple of stores to gather the necessary groceries to make sure he wouldn’t have to go back to the city every other day and then left again towards the cabin. When he arrived, he parked in front of it, unloaded the groceries and luggages and then stood looking at the front door sighing in relief. He entered and first thing first he lit up the fireplace. It was November 29 and it was fucking cold already, even if not snowy yet. Then he proceeded to refill the cupboards and fridge with all he bought and went into his room to unpack his clothes as well. When he came back at the ground floor wearing cozy sweatpants and jumper he immediately headed to the liquor cabinet and took out a bottle of bourbon and a glass. Then he sat on the big couch and turned on the TV.

He scrolled for a bit through Netflix but every movie reminded him someway of Phil or his shitty life and when he came across Brokeback Mountain, he decided that cartoons it was. He watched Cars, the Little Mermaid and Pocahontas singing all the songs, before his eyes started to close and so he put away the now half empty bottle of liquor and went to bed.

When he woke up the next day he did his little indoor workout routine in the middle of the living room and then cooked himself some eggs and toast. That day he had planned to snowboard, but as it hadn’t snowed yet he went hiking, and he did the same for the following two days.

On the fourth day when he turned in the road connecting his cabin to the main road he saw a red Corvette beside his truck, and beside it a freezing Coulson, wearing only his usual suit. As they caught sight of each other they froze, just staring at one another. Then Clint broke the silence.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

###

TWO DAYS BEFORE

48 hours had passed since Clint had left and Phil had really tried to distract himself. He had started planning the future missions with Natasha and a few in collaboration with May’s team, he had started again training with Natasha and helped at everything they needed a couple hands for at H.Q. but he was never 100% on it. It was Natasha who noticed, of course. They were sparring in the gym at Stark Tower and when he didn’t stop a direct punch for the third time Natasha stopped suddenly.

“Phil...”

“What? Why you stopped?” he asked nonchalantly.

“You kidding? A child could have stopped that punch Phil. And you let me hit you with the exact same move three times in 5 minutes. You’re clearly with your mind in another place. So tell me, what’s wrong?”

Phil sighed, sat on the mat and then said “I keep thinking about Clint…I seriously fucked up beyond repair this time, didn’t I?” he said being honest, it was pointless to lie to Nat.

“You did fuck up, but not beyond repair. He’s mad but if he didn’t care he would be here, simply insulting you and treating you like shit” she said simply.

“What do you mean?” asked Phil confused.

“I mean that he’s gone because he can’t stand seeing you right now. He’s pissed because he cares, Phil. He wouldn’t stop working, even temporarily, for something stupid and childish. Last time I saw him this pissed was when the Winter Soldier shot me two times, and you know why he was so mad at me? Because, according to him I took too many risks. You understand now?” she explained.

“I...I do, kind of...I think. You two are pretty enigmatic, I’m just a man” said Phil sighing “And what should I do?” he asked.

“You should go and find him” she said simply, shrugging.

“How about the fact that I’m the last person he wants to see right now?” objected Phil rubbing his eyes.

“That’s what he says but not what he needs, believe me” she said enigmatically.

“What?” asked Phil confused.

“Just believe me, go there. I’ll text you the address” she said heading for the door.

“Oh and bring something heavy to wear and food. It’s freezing there and I’m not sure if he’ll let you in” and then she was gone.

Phil sighed and went home to get ready for the forthcoming road trip.  
###

_“What the fuck are you doing here?”_

“Clint I just wanted to fix things-” explained Phil taking some steps in Clint direction but he stopped as Clint snarled.

“And you think you can fix things by coming here, when I told you I didn’t want to be disturbed?” he screamed throwing his hands in the air. “By saying ‘don’t try to stop me’ I thought it was clear that coming here was included! And by the way how did you know where I was?” he asked.

“Natasha told me. And for what it counts I’m sorry but I couldn’t keep this hanging. We should talk” Phil said.

“We already talked! And I told you to let me be! But evidently you don’t understand english anymore as you did exactly the opposite” Clint bit back.

“Clint last time we didn’t-” started Phil.

“I told you to leave me alone! I don’t want you here! Leave! Go home, Phil!” screamed Clint.

The when Phil didn’t move he rushed past him and entered in the cabin, slamming the door and locking it shut. Phil just sighed and got back to Lola, unloading a small tent from her trunk. It was going to be a long venture, but he was determined not to give up.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter guys! A new update is here! This one is way more interesting and from now on it will be only better, I promise! I hope you'll like it! Enjoy:)

Let’s Hurt Tonight- OneRepublic

When Clint woke up the next morning the first thing he did was checking if Coulson was still there, and of course, he was. He could see a little tent and Phil was outside crouched in front of a little camp stove cooking probably eggs and bacon, all wrapped in a big black coat, a beanie covering his head. He cursed.

He hated this situation. The only thing he wanted to do was letting him inside, throwing himself on him and never letting go, but for various reasons he couldn’t. First of all he was too pissed to be happy about him being there, he still didn’t except the fact that Phil let other people know he was alive, people he just had met, but couldn’t manage to tell him and Nat who had suffered so much. Then there was the possibility that he could completely loose it if he would let him in, and crying in front of others wasn’t exactly Clint’s thing, especially not in front of Phil. And there began the third reason: if he lost it he would be spilling his gut out and confess his feelings in a way o another, humiliating himself in front of the man he loved who without a doubt didn’t reciprocate.

Of course he didn’t, why did Clint even fall for the man? He was the straightest man he knew besides Thor, hell he had the fucking cellist in Portland for a few months. Letting him in would have only ended with Clint hurt and humiliated.

So he worked out, ate breakfast quickly and then got ready for another excursion in the woods. He tried getting out from the backdoor but of course Phil noticed and he heard himself being called but he didn’t stop nor turn back, he needed to clear his mind from all this mess.

This went on for a couple of days, but one night Clint couldn’t stand the situation anymore without alcohol and so he turned on the stereo and got completely wasted, crying and screaming out loud the lyrics to every song until his eyes were dry and his throat hurt. At a certain point he thought it was wise to go out. He left the door open and stumbled his way to Phil’s tent, and when he reached it he started pounding on its external layer with the bottle of scotch he was carrying.

“Hey. Hey you bastard. Get out” he half mumbled half screamed.

When Phil got out he was more worried than anything. What he saw before him was a pale and barely coherent Clint who started insulting him and saying things he couldn’t decipher except for one sentence that was repeated a couple of times.

“It’s because of you I’m hurting”

Phil swallowed a couple of times, trying not to be overcome by guild and sorrow after having heard the last person he wanted to hurt pronouncing this sentence.

“Come on Clint, you’re too drunk and it’s freezing out here. Let’s get you back inside” he said.

“Like fuck ya will ‘mthfuckr lemme go. The fuck ya doing?” protested Clint, trying to punch Phil as he was dragged back inside.

Phil tried to push him on the couch and received a punch in the face and another list of insults for that.

“Go away! Leave me! Don’t touch me!”

When he finally managed to pin Clint to the couch he started trying to calm him.

“Come on, you should sleep Clint. You’re too drunk, sleep or you’re gonna regret this in the morning, please”

Clint protested but at the same time his eyes started to close for the effects of alcohol and exhaustion, and the last thing he managed to say was what hurt Phil the most.

“I fuckin hate ya”.

Phil got up from where he was crouching near the couch and allowed his face to crumple, but he said nothing. Clint now was completely out to the world and Phil stopped to turn off the music before heading out and closing the door behind him with trembling hands. He barely got into his tent before tears started rolling down his cheeks and his breath became shaky.

That night Phil cried for hours hugging himself inside the sleeping bag. He cried for the first time since he learned about what really had happened to him during his recovery, and this time he was hurting even more. But he couldn’t give up now, he would resist.

###

Clint opened an eye groaning. The sun was completely invading his face and sleeping had become impossible. He tried to move but his head ached and his whole body was sore for sleeping on the couch. Wait. The couch? Why on earth was he sleeping on the freaking couch? Was he so drunk that he couldn’t even reach his room? He remembered he was lucid enough to go outside and-

Oh. Well, fuck.

He slowly started remembering what happened the night before and with every memory his heart clenched more. He felt horrible, he had literally said the man he loved that he hated him and treated him like shit. Just because he wanted to help him and because he had come all the way there to say sorry. He had rarely treated someone like that and being drunk was not an excuse. He was so ashamed of himself. What a horrible person had he been. He rubbed his face with his hands and stood up to drink a few glasses of water, to help with the hangover. As he was leaning on the countertop he moved away a corner of the curtain from the window in the kitchen that offered a view of the front garden. The tent was still there. It was late in the morning and Phil could have left hours before but he was still there. That made Clint feel even worse.

He went upstairs, took a shower and changed his clothes. When he came back down the first thing he did was putting a damn locket to the doors of the liquor cabinet. Alcohol was out of question, he could not drink again in this state of mind. When he was done he flopped on the couch again. He was not going out hiking that day, not if doing that meant risking to run into Phil. So he decided to watch some movies and this time he choose to punish himself actually watching Brokeback Mountain, because he was a masochist and wanted to cry.

The next day he didn’t go out again, he just couldn’t face what could happen, he needed time to regain the courage.

###

Later that night, he woke suddenly when he heard the glass of his bedroom’s window vibrate forcefully. He rolled out of bed and immediately noticed that the temperature had dropped drastically. He wiped a circle on the clouded window and looked outside: the cabin’s surroundings were covered by at least 15 inches of snow and a storm was howling. Clint’s thoughts were immediately centred on Phil.

Shit, he was alone in a small and thin tent and it was freezing cold, and if he hadn’t broke into the house yet, it meant that he probably still was in that tent.

Fucking fuck.

Clint put on thick clothes and shoes, took a torch and literally ran outside, not caring if snow entered the cabin while he slammed the door open and left it ajar. He lit up the torch and approached the area where the tent was supposed to be.

When he saw felt his blood freezing in his veins: the little thing was almost covered in snow and bent in a strange angle, almost collapsing on itself. Clint cursed and rushed towards it. Then he planted the torch into the snow and started digging and moving snow from the tent shouting.

“Phil! Phil I’m here! Don’t worry I’m here, I’m gonna get you out of there! Hold on! Hey can you hear me? Phil? PHIL!”

When he got no answer he hurried even more until he was able to unzip the entrance of the small tent. When he did he dived his head inside and saw Phil, almost blue even in the warm light of the torchlight. Clint cursed and touched him. He was very cold.

“No no no no no no! Phil! Hey!” he tried lightly shaking him.

No answer. Then he searched for Phil’s pulse point on his neck and when he felt a faint beat he huffed in relief. A moment later though he was again trying to wake him.

“Hey Phil, wake up! Come on we’ve gotta get you warm!”

But Phil was unresponsive so he dismantled the tent as best as he could and then took the man bridal style into his arms and hurried into the house.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which finally, they talk normally! Enjoy!

Iris-The Goo Goo Dolls

As he got inside he immediately went for the stairs and rushed into the bedroom holding Phil thigh to his chest. Then he put him on the bed and started undressing him from the humid and cold clothes, actually not caring even a bit that this was the first time he saw his handler almost naked, it was his last preoccupation at that moment. During the whole process he kept whispering comforting words, and he didn’t know anymore if they were for Phil or for himself.

When he finished, he put Phil under the covers and then searched the entire house for more blankets and even found one of those thermic gold and silvery ones. He covered Phil with them and put a woollen hat on his head.

Then when Phil temperature began to rise he started waking him up, because unconsciousness in those cases is a no-no. Fortunately, Phil began to open his eyes and mumbling something.

“Hey Phil it’s me, it’s all right” said Clint shakily.

“C-Clint.. ‘m c-cold...” mumbled Phil.

“Yes I know I know but I’m trying to keep you warm now, just don’t fall back asleep, yeah?” said Clint softly, relieved that at least he was responsive even if not completely coherent and aware.

“I’m coming back in a moment just hold on okay?” he said and then went downstairs to look for something else to keep Phil warm and found a couple of heat packs that he then placed under his armpits and on his groin.

He stayed with him for a couple of hours or so keeping him awake by talking randomly and measuring his temperature every quarter of an hour. When his temperature reached 97°F he told him to sleep and went down to take a couple of things he could need in case Phil needed further assistance and as he was filling a bottle with some water the weight of the situation crushed on him and he began to sob, warm tears streaming from his eyes.

Phil risked to die, again, and it was all Clint’s fault. It was him who put him in the situation to come here and most importantly to sleep outside in a fucking tent in the middle of winter. If he hadn’t been so naive, stubborn and proud all of this wouldn’t have happened. They would be at Shield training with Nat and getting ready for the next missions. But instead they were in the middle of fucking Colorado, in a snow storm and Phil had almost died of hypothermia.

He was so angry with himself he actually managed to crumple the plastic bottle he was holding without noticing, splashing water everywhere. After clearing up the mess, he got back to his room and sat on the bed near Phil with a cup of black coffee.

He was not going to sleep, he needed to look after Phil. Still breathing heavily, and with a knot in his throat, he caressed Phil’s hair.

“God, I’m so sorry” he murmured, choking back tears, knowing that he couldn’t be heard.

Then he surrendered and placed a small kiss on Phil’s forehead, as he couldn’t possibly notice while sleeping. After that he tried to distract himself from ruminating in guilt by reading a book, but in all truth the words were just flowing before his eyes without being registered.

Around 3 ‘o clock Phil started whimpering and moving restlessly, so Clint put a hand on his shoulder.

“Shh Phil hey it’s all right hey just a nightmare” he said.

But Phil looked more in discomfort rather than scared so Clint put a hand on his forehead and fuck he was burning up. Poor thing, he damn right couldn’t sleep well. Clint tried to measure his temperature and he was now at 101°F. Shit now he had the opposite problem than before. He rushed to the bathroom and looked for something to give Phil to try and lower the fever. He found some Advil tablets and woke Phil enough to make him swallow them, then he sat back on the bed and continued to keep an eye on him and measure the temperature every now and then.

###

Phil woke feeling warm and comfortable, pretty strange for being in a tent, he thought. He sighed, and slowly opened his eyes. The moment he didn’t see the bright green of the tent’s fabric and no light coming from anywhere, he startled. That couldn’t be good. He opened his eyes completely and as they focused he noticed he was in a bedroom. He sat up hurriedly and looked around to see if he could understand his situation better. As he did that the covers (a lot of them, he noticed) slipped from his chest and he noticed he was only wearing his boxers and socks. That was so strange. He could have sworn he had fallen asleep completely clothed in his sleeping bag inside his tent, outside Clint’s cabin.

Wait.

Was him in Clint’s cabin and in Clint’s bed? What the hell…

He found a glass of water on the bedside table and took a gulp of it. Then he stretched to put it in its place but in the process hit the table lamp that started swinging and knocked over. A moment later he heard hurried steps coming from what he supposed were stairs and then the door opened wide revealing a worried Clint.

“Oh hey! Uhm... You’re awake! S-Sorry I thought you fell or something...” he babbled in a rush blushing.

“Oh I...hit the lamp...sorry...” said Phil. “Oh and...Clint why am I here? I can’t remember...”

"Uhm yeah about that...What if I bring you some clothes and a hot drink and then I explain? You must be cold uhm like that..” said Clint gesturing at Phil’s naked torso.

“Yes thank you” accepted Phil.

When he was dressed up in sweatpants and sweater he caught Clint staring at him strangely with the hot coffee he asked for in his hands.

“Uhm sorry it’s just….it’s strange seeing you without the suit...” he said “Anyway, it’s entirely my fault if you’re here...”

“What do you mean?” asked Phil confused

“Well, last night I woke up suddenly because there was a storm...It was snowing really hard and well...you were in your tent and when I got to you you were so cold...” his voiced seemed to crack a bit “I-I think you had hypothermia...so I-I brought you here and well tried to keep you warm but then you got a fever and even when it went away you slept all day...I-I’m so sorry” he explained.

Phil had listened very carefully to the entire explanation and opened his mouth gaping for a moment before asking “But I don’t understand…You said it was your fault”

“And it fucking was. That’s because of me that you were sleeping in a freakin tent during a snow storm in the middle of nowhere instead of being safe at home!” blurted out Clint.

“Hey hey no. It wasn’t your fault Clint, I was there because I decided that” said Phil placing a hand on Clint’s shoulder.

He startled a bit at the contact but then said “But if I hadn’t come here or at least let you come inside you wouldn’t-”

“You came here because you were angry at me.” pointed Phil.

“Yes but I shouldn’t have reacted like that I-” insisted Clint shaking his head.

“And I should have told you I was alive right away!” uttered Phil, finally gaining Clint’s complete attention “I made a mistake. And then you maybe made another, but can’t you see we’re even on this? Anyway you saved my life. I should be thanking you.” he then said calmly.

“Of course I did! It was the least I could do!” exclaimed Clint.

“Don’t blame yourself Clint, please.” insisted Phil.

“Whatever you say….Now I think you should rest some more...Your fever dropped only a few hours ago and you evidently are tired. You slept a lot and woke a couple of times but I see you can’t remember. You weren’t coherent...You really should sleep more” said Clint.

“Yes, I feel like I could use some rest” Phil agreed.

“Well, I’ll be downstairs if you need anything...Goodnight”

“Goodnight” said Phil.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the interesting part! Enjoy! :)

Stay-Thirty Seconds To Mars

The morning after Phil climbed out of bed and went downstairs. He found himself in the middle of a quite spacious living room, with hardwood walls and a cream carpet. In front of a big fireplace was a brown leather couch with what appeared to be a cocoon of blankets.

Phil approached it and smiled as he saw Clint’s face popping out from under the covers, splattered against the armrest with his hair all in disarray and his mouth open. He was snoring and looked so peaceful, and much younger than he was. Phil couldn’t held himself back and brushed back a lock of hair form Clint’s forehead and then headed to the kitchen.

He had been in bed for more than 24 hours, he might as well make himself useful. He opened the fridge and then started cooking Clint’s favourite breakfast: chocolate chips pancakes and bananas, blueberries and strawberries smoothie. He remembered the dozens of times they cooked that together with Natasha after particularly tough missions and smiled to himself. After the night before’s conversation he had decided they had to talk seriously, but they didn’t have to do it right away, did they? So he simply carried on cooking until he heard footsteps approaching.

He turned and saw an extremely sleepy-looking Clint coming his way, rubbing his eyes.

“Good morning” said Phil.

“ ‘mornin Phil” yawned Clint “I smelled pancakes...did you make pancakes?”

“I did, and your smoothie too. Here, sit and eat” said Phil gesturing to the table where a pile of steaming pancakes and a glass of smoothie sat.

“Ya shouldn’t have y’know?” protested Clint.

“You took care of me, consider this a thank you” said Phil and his hart missed a beat as Clint smiled at him with his mouth closed and full of pancakes.

They ate breakfast together in silence and then cleared the table. When they were done Clint sat on the sofa and started browsing through his list on Netflix and when he saw Phil standing awkwardly nearby he said

“Hey if you wanna join or...I don’t know there are books if you want? Not a lot of them but anyway...”

“Oh yes, sure, tank you” said Phil and relieved went towards the bookshelf, picking up “Dubliners” by James Joyce, surprised that Clint even had it.

“You like Joyce?’” he asked.

“Uhm...yeah he’s not my favourite but I do. I prefer Wilde though” answered Clint.

They talked for a bit about literature and then got back to reading and watching TV

###

After lunch Clint said he was going to town to pick up some groceries and left Phil alone in the cabin. Once arrived he visited a few shops, got the gasoline tank refilled and then picked up some hot chocolate form Starbucks. Once back in the car he didn’t leave right away, deciding to sip his drink there. In the meantime he thought about the events of the last two days. After a while he felt like he needed to talk about it with someone so he decided to call Natasha.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hey Nat it’s me” said Clint.

“Oh Clint hey! How are you doing?” she asked.

“Well let’s say I was damn pissed when Phil showed up at my door saying he had been given the address by you…” he said.

“Come on Clint if I didn’t tell him to come there you wouldn’t even have the opportunity to get things better...About that, did you talk?” she asked.

“Uhm, not really” he muttered.

“Explain”

Clint rubbed his eyes and then answered “Well, I didn’t let him in until two nights ago...he stayed in a tent outside all the time…I know it was terrible but I just couldn’t see him” he explained.

“And why did you let him in at last?” asked Natasha

“Oh...uhm… It had started snowing so much and he was outside so I went outside and he was so cold I thought...I mean he didn’t answer...” he paused and a sob escaped form his mouth.

“So I took him inside and did my best to save him and I fortunately I succeeded. Nat I was so scared I though I lost him and all because I was a stubborn ass...” he explained with a cracked voice.

After that Nat didn’t answer right away “It wasn’t your fault” she said finally.  “But what about now? Are you two okay?”

“I don’t know...I mean he doesn’t seem angry and of course I’m not either, not anymore. But we didn’t actually talk, I kind of avoided that and he himself doesn’t seem too eager to do that” said Clint.

“He said he is sorry, though. For not telling us”

“I know, he told me. And about the other thing? Did you decide what to do?” she asked.

“What? No no no, I’m not doing anything! Why should I? We have enough problems without him knowing I have feeling for him. I just got him back, I don’t want to scare him off!” he blurted out.

“Hey hey hey who said you’d scare him off? For all you know he might as well reciprocate” Natasha said.

“Are you nuts? He had the fucking cellist! And don’t you think he would have reached out earlier if he even cared a bit?” uttered Clint.

“I still think you should try...” said Nat.

“No. No way. That’s not gonna happen.” stated Clint.

“Whatever you say Clint...Now I gotta go. I’m meeting with Hill in a bit. Call me if you need anything ok?” she said.

“Yeah sure. Bye Nat”

“Bye”.

###

When Clint had left, Phil had continued reading for about an hour before his mind was filled with thought of what to do now. They couldn’t keep ignoring the elephant in the room and pretend it was all right. They needed to talk seriously. Phil put the book aside and started pacing the room thinking about how to begin and what to say. After a while pacing wasn’t enough and he needed something to do so he started cleaning up the kitchen and tidying up the entire house. When he was finished Clint wasn’t back yet so he went outside and chopped some wood for the fireplace, that also helped with his stress. Once having finished that as well it was almost dark outside so he decided to head back inside and sat on the sofa staring at the flames dancing behind the fireplace grid. After thinking all afternoon he had decided what to do.

When he heard Clint’s car approaching he stood up and started pacing again until Clint entered with three big bags in his arms. “Hey” he said as he put down the groceries on the kitchen table.

“I’m sorry it took so long”

“Clint we have to talk” said Phil.

He saw the moment Clint’s shoulder tensed and his neck straightened. When he turned around he was all serious.

“Look, we really don’t. I accepted it. I needed time. That’s all. I’m glad you’re back.” he said.

“No. You have not accepted it. You are trying to pretend you have because you feel guilty about what happened two nights ago but deep inside you’re still angry and we have to talk” said Phil seriously. Clint exhaled.

“Okay then. Go on.” he bit back, visibly irritated, and then went to stare at one of the big windows to the right of the couch.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how.” said Phil.

“Are you kidding? You didn’t know how? You did just fine a few days ago!” spat out Clint “You didn’t tell us because you didn’t fucking care!”

“That’s not true, Clint. If I did not care I’d still be with May’s team and I wouldn’t have come here” said Phil.

“Bullshit” was Clint’s bitter answer.

“Look, I thought about how to break the news but it was still hard to comprehend the situation even for me, and my recovery had lasted too long” said Phil “Then I saw you were doing all right without me. You kept functioning as a team and seemed okay...”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” shouted Clint “We were okay? Care to explain what your concept of okay is Phil? Because I was everything besides okay! I was a fucking mess! You have no idea! NONE! Working was the only thing that kept me stable! And you tell me I looked _OKAY_?”

“Clint...” said Phil.

“No. Now you let me speak. Do you have an idea how much I suffered after finding out how many people I killed while Loki was playing with my brain, and then that you died? DO YOU? I cried for a week, goddamn you Phil!” He shouted.

“I’m sorry….But...Why did it hit you so hard I don’t underst-” said Phil.

 But he was cut by Clint who turned around shouting.

_“BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU, THAT’S WHY!”_


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What everyone's been waiting for! It was a bit hard to write but I hope I did a decent job. Enjoy!

Can’t Fight This Feeling- Rock Of Ages Cast

_“BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU, THAT’S WHY!”_

They both froze. Clint couldn’t breath. He couldn’t believe he had said that, n ot after everything he had done to hide his feelings in the past 8 years. Phil was in the exact same condition but for a whole different reason.

Wait.

Did Clint just say he loved him? How’s that possible? No, he must have misheard. Or maybe Clint meant it in a friendly way. Yes, that made sense. He recomposed himself and slowly asked.

“Excuse me, come again?”

“No I...I mean...Never mind. I’m sorry” muttered Clint embarrassed, and turned back to face the window.

“Oh don’t give me that” said Phil “What did you just say Clint?”

Clint took a big breath and exhaled deeply then whispered “I said that hit me so much because I-I love you...”

Phil swallowed hard and then asked “And do you mean in a friendly way or…?”

“No...” said Clint “...romantically...I know you...I’m sorry okay?”

Phil started laughing wholehearted.

“Wait” said Clint “Are you laughing at me?” he asked almost mad.

Phil smiled big and bright and said “No, absolutely not”

“Then why the hell are you-” asked Clint confused but was interrupted by Phil.

“Clint, I love you too”

Clint gasped and turned around again.

“No you don’t” he said baffled “How’s that possible? I mean you-The cellist-I’m not even-”

“Clint” said Phil.

“I mean that’s impossible, you’re not-”

“CLINT!” screamed Phil exasperated.

At that Clint stopped, mouth open. It wasn’t often that he heard Phil screaming.

“I am not joking. I’m perfectly serious and this is entirely possible. I do love you, goddamnit! Why should I lie about it? I couldn’t be so cruel!” he was almost desperate, like Clint never saw him.

It was in that moment that he knew Phil was being honest and his heart started pumping faster, his lungs filled with air and he was overwhelmed by pure joy.

He quickly strode across the room and launched himself on Phil, clasping his upper arm and the back of his Neck, and kissed him hungrily.

When Phil returned the kiss his knees almost gave in and he held him tighter in his arms, as he thought he could lose him if he didn’t. One moment he was on his feet and seconds after he found himself lying on the couch, Phil over him was still kissing him and holding Clint’s head in his hands. When they parted they were both breathing heavily, and both already hard.

Clint put a trembling hand on Phil’s cheek and started slowly tracing little caresses with his thumb. His eyes were still drawn down looking at the thin pink lips he had just kissed. He adverted his gaze and looked into soft grey eyes.

“Is-is this okay?” he whispered.

Phil didn’t answer, instead he closed in for another kiss, slow and tender this time, and only after drawing back again he said “This is a lot more than okay; it’s perfect”

Then he rested his head in the crook of Clint’s neck and started kissing softly every tendon, every centimetre of skin. Clint’s breath hitched and he found he needed skin contact so he started fumbling with Phil’s shirt until he was able to touch his back, drawing him closer.

When their erections brushed together trough layers of fabric, they both moaned. Clint drew Phil back into a passionate kiss and then grasped his ass and pressed down, making their members collide again.

When they parted Clint panted “Oh God” and then he paused to give Phil another brief kiss then offering his neck.

“Touch me Phil, please”

“Not now, Clint” said Phil smirking into Clint’s neck.

“Please, I’m begging you Phil. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this”

“Oh believe me I do” and with that Phil drew back and stood leaving a shocked Clint on the couch.

“Wait where are you-” but he didn’t even have the time to finish protesting that he was lifted into strong arms, bridal stile, and taken up the stairs.

“Oh all right I’m definitely okay with the plan then!” he said chuckling and kissing Phil in any place he could reach from that position.

Moments later he was ungracefully thrown on the bed and his shirt was being pulled past his head and his pants were dragged to his ankles.

“I thought you said not now but hey that’s good”

“I said that three minutes ago, so I was right” said Phil starting to place kisses down Clint’s stomach and groping the bulge in his briefs.

Clint emitted a strangled sob. Then Phil started slowly working with the hem of his underwear and kissing his erection through the thin stretchy fabric and Clint jerked his hips forward.

“Please Phil, please come on” and his requests were satisfied half a second later when Phil peeled off the tight underwear and began working on Clint with both his hand and his mouth.

Clint started shaking and moaning and when Phil hummed around him he had just the time to gasp out “Phil I’m- I’m there” before exploding into the man’s mouth.

We he regained control of himself he kissed Phil deeply .

“That was amazing” and then glowered at Phil’s body and said “Why the hell are you still wearing clothes?”

“I didn’t have time, you know someone was begging...” answered Phil smirking and then started to undress himself.

When he was done he dropped back on the bed and kissed Clint deeply “Your turn now” said Clint smiling into the kiss.

“Let’s see if I can let you loose that control of yours” and then he reached out to start working on Phil, who came a few minutes later moaning loudly and dropping on Clint’s chest, breathless.

They stayed like that for a moment, kissing slowly. Then Phil asked “Do you have lube?”

“Of course I do!” he beamed, then stretched to reach the drawer and extracted a plastic bottle, throwing it at Phil with a smirk and then sprawled himself in front of him with his arms under his head.

But when Phil started slicking his fingers Clint’s eyes widened in surprise.

When Phil noticed he said “Oh sorry. Is this okay?”

“Absolutely! I just thought you...never mind, go on” said Clint.

“See Barton” murmured Phil hoovering over Clint and starting to slick in slowly the first finger “I’m full of surprises”

“Oh God you’re gonna kill me like that” gasped Clint as the first finger slightly brushed his prostate.

A few minutes later he was grinding on three of Phil’s fingers.

“O-okay Phil come on I’m ready” he said “Quick or I’m gonna come like that, come on” he was almost exasperated.

“You’re such an impatient Clint. You don’t even let me carry on my plans” Said Phil and then Clint moaned loudly.

“Okay hold on I’m here” then he withdrew his fingers and turned Clint on his knees with his head on the pillow, before aligning himself with the now stretched hole.

He slowly made his way in between both their groans, and then stopped for a moment.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I will be when you start moving Phil” protested Clint.

“See, impatient” smirked Phil and Placed soft kisses on Clint’s back as he started moving.

And there, Clint completely lost it. He had already figured that Phil was good but he didn’t expect he didn’t expect him to be absolutely amazing. With every thrust he managed to brush his prostate like he perfectly knew where Clint’s was placed, like he had a map of his body.

Clint started crying out even more when Phil started working at his erection and moaning loudly himself. After Clint started clenching his rectum’s muscled it was a batter of a few thrusts before they came almost simultaneously crying out the other’s name. Then they collapsed on the bed, kissed and cuddled sharing soft whispers of love for a few minutes before falling asleep, exhausted.


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! There will be an epilogue after this but the story itself is complete. I hope you like it:)

Venus-Sleeping At Last

Clint woke up slowly and as his eyes adjusted to the bright light coming through the window, he noticed a certain warmth against the right side of his body, a weight on his torso and shoulder, and the soft sound of someone breathing.

He lowered his eyes and saw an arm encircling his chest, then he moved his gaze to his side and he smiled as he saw Phil’s head resting on his shoulder, mouth slightly open, hair all in disarray and a peaceful expression on his face. Clint bended his neck a little and kissed Phil’s forehead.

He was happy. He really was, for the first time in almost two years. He still couldn’t believe what happened the night before. In the past he had thought about confessing his feelings, when he didn’t know how to cope with them and how to go over it. At the time he almost hoped for a rejection, he was sure that it would have been the solution to stop feeling that way, he is a stubborn person and surely didn’t pine over someone who didn’t want him.

He often imagined what would have been Phil’s reaction and usually he thought that he would have understood, rejected him politely and changed nothing in their working relationship. After all Phil is a good man, he wouldn’t judge someone for their feelings. But Clint never thought about a similar reaction to the one Phil had the previous night. He was so convinced that he would have been rejected that he hadn’t even considered the possibility of his feelings being returned. But now here they were, sharing a bed in a cabin on a mountain, naked and all tangled together.

Thinking about that a knot formed in his throat and his eyes filled with happy tears. He smiled and placed another couple of kisses on different spots of Phil’s face. He stopped when the other man’s eyes started flickering. Phil woke up, yawned and looked at Clint.

“Hey, good morning” he said smiling.

Then he noticed Clint’s glossy eyes and he frowned. “Why are you crying?”

“Oh, that’s nothing. I’m just happy” said Clint drying his eyes with his hand “I know I’m a sap, sorry” he added chuckling.

“No that’s actually kind of cute” said Phil tightening his grip on Clint’s chest and rubbing his face against his neck.

“So...I take you haven’t changed your mind about that? I mean you didn’t run away...yet.” said Clint jokingly, but in all truth he wasn’t still one hundred percent sure Phil was really there.

“Why should I? I’m here because I wanted to. I wanted you. I don’t tell a man I love him if I’m not sure about it, Clint” said Phil seriously.

“Well, that’s good to hear” chuckled Clint, relieved. “May I ask you a question though?” he added.

“Sure, go on”

“Since when exactly have you been...uhm...sure?” he asked caressing Phil’s arm up and down.

“Remember in Dacca?” asked Phil.

“Hell yes I do! I nearly broke my neck falling off that building I was unconsc- Oh.” he stopped and looked at Phil “Was it then? When I was hurt?” he asked softly.

“Yes. It was your first bad injury. You scared the hell out of me and then I realised why” said Phil sheepishly.

“Awww that’s sweet” said Clint hugging him tightly.

“And when did you notice Clint?” asked Phil.

“Oh...Well our first real mission actually” he said, and when Phil looked at him confused he added “Well, you came out of it without a single scratch, your suit devoid of any crease or smudge of dirt and you didn’t even look a tiny bit tired. And you had been fighting three guys. I was a mess and I only had been shooting arrows from a rooftop”

When he finished he noticed Phil was laughing “What?” he asked.

“Nothing” said Phil “It’s only that I thought you would have never liked me that way because I was too serious and always composed, and that was what actually struck you. That’s simply hilarious” he explained.

“Yeah I guess it is” chuckled Clint, leaning down to kiss him deeply. “I love you Phil, I love you so much and I’m so happy I can finally tell you as many times as I want. That’s why I was crying” said Clint, his eyes shining with unshed tears and love.

“I love you, too. And I promise you I’ll never tire of telling you as well” said Phil leaning in to kiss him.

###

After breakfast they sat on the couch cuddling and chatted between languid kisses. Clint was in the middle of telling Phil about Tony’s last birthday.

“Yeah he basically had this entire floor in Stark Tower set up as a bar and, I kid you not, after a mere hour the staff had to throw Thor and the asgardians out because they had drank half the stash of Scotch trying to drink Nat under the table but they obviously failed. I think she’s secretly on of them” he said chuckling.

Then he suddenly stopped “Oh shit. Natasha”

“What’s wrong?” asked Phil confused.

 “We should tell her Phil. Yesterday she basically tried to manipulate me into telling you everything and she sent you here with a purpose and you know that. She’s literally gonna kill me if I don’t tell her right away” he said.

Then he added “You okay with that?”

“Sure. Don’t think she would leave me unharmed if we don’t” said Phil.

“Okay then” said Clint and grabbed his StarkPhone, dialling a video-call.

“Hey Clint” she said smiling “How are you?”

“I’m great thanks” he said, holding the phone so that Phil wasn’t in the camera range.

“And...how about Phil? How’s he?” she asked.

“I don’t know” he replied smirking “Why don’t you ask him?” he then said, turning the device and including Phil in the picture.

“Hey Phil!” she said, rather surprised but he could see a mischievous expression in her eyes “I guess you two are no longer taking each other’s heads off then”

“Yes, it’s quite the opposite” said Phil.

“Care to elaborate?” she said.

Phil looked at Clint and raised an eyebrow in question and Clint immediately smirked, leaning forward to kiss him. When they parted, they looked at Natasha smirking. She was staring at them with an unreadable expression.

“Bruce owes me 50 bucks” she simply said and Clint started laughing almost dropping the phone.

She smiled and said “Congrats boys” then she added “What had I told the both of you anyway? Trying was worthy...”

“Yeah yea”

“Yes, you were right” they said.

“Can I tell the others?” she asked “Tony has been theorizing what was happening since Phil left. I think he traumatised Steve when he described some possible scenarios. I admit that I agreed with most though. Bruce thought this was all about loyalty, so he lost 100 bucks between me and Tony” she explained.

“Hey you guys have been betting on us?” said Clint.

“Yup” she said smirking.

“We want a share, right Phil?” complained Clint.

“Yes, you could at least buy us a drink or something” suggested Phil.

“No need. I bet Thor will throw an enormous party when he finds out. You know how’s he about celebrating love, friendship and victories”

“I knew I always liked the guy” said Clint.

“I should go now. Some people have to work, you know...”

“Yeah yeah, see ya” Clint waved her off.

“Bye boys, see you”

“Bye Romanov”

###

Later that day they were sitting outside on the porch swing with a blanket when Phil said “You know, Natasha was right. They’re working and we’re here on vacation. We should head back...”

“But Phiiiil” whined Clint “We just started actually spending time together”

“I know and don’t think I wouldn’t rather stay here. But it’s not fair.” insisted Phil “We could always come back for Christmas… it isn’t even so far” he suggested smiling.

“Two more days and then we come back for Christmas. Not negotiable.” said Clint, extending a hand out.

Phil shook it “Deal” and then he leaned forward to kiss away the pout Clint was still wearing.

“I love you” he said.

“I love you too” said Clint, beaming.


	12. Epilogue

PART ONE  
The One-Elton John

“Please tell me again why did I agree to wear this dress” asked Natasha, eyeing down her body with a disgusted expression. She was sitting next to Clint and wearing a long dark purple gown, her hair was styled in a low loose bun and she was wearing chandelier diamond earrings.

“Because you love us!” said Clint grinning and encircling Phil’s shoulders with an arm. “Besides, you look good in purple, It’s the best colour! It’s mine”

“Shut up Barton” she cut him off, suppressing a smirk.

“That would be ‘shut up Coulson’ now, thank you” he corrected her.

She looked at him as meaning ‘You’re Barton for me, period’ but then said “I can’t believe you two actually tied the knot. I thought you wouldn’t have lasted a month having to stand him, Phil”

“I wouldn’t say he’s easy to deal with but at least he stopped trying to make me climb things and teaching me how to shoot his damn bow while running” said Phil chuckling.

“Oh come on I was just trying to share the things I love with you” whined Clint.

“All right then, next time we’re in Colorado I’m gonna teach you how to fish” said Phil poking Clint in the side.

“Oh come on! You’ve been married for two hours and you already sound like an old married couple! That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard!” sounded Tony’s voice from behind them “ And Rogers once described to me how his apartment back in the 40s looked like”

That earned him an elbow in the ribs from Pepper who then shoot an apologetic look at Steve.

“Hey it’s true!” he complained “By the way lovebirds, I’m gonna give my best man speech now!” he said climbing on a nearby table.

“No you don’t Tony!” Pepper scolded him “You’re not the best man come back down or I’m gonna get Thor”

“That’s not fair though, Legolas. I’m the best man you deserved” he said hopping down the table and tripping over Bruce.

“Why did you choose Romanov? I mean she’s a wom-” and he stopped as Natasha shoot him a deadly look. “Okay okay never mind. Please don’t kill me” he added while everybody started laughing.

PART TWO  
I’ll Keep You Safe-Sleeping At Last

“Ok buddy, can you help me lifting this thing off now, please?” Clint was laying on a weighting bench in Stark Tower’s gym , sweating.

When Thor lifted the weights for him he sat up and took several gulps of water.

“You know, I am so jealous of your fucking super strength...”

“You shall not be envious, Friend Clint. You have great abilities thyself that are enviable. I tried mastering the art of archery in my youth but was unsuccessful” said Thor, and clapped his hand on Clint’s back throwing him off balance.

“Well I could always try and teach you again. Even Bruce managed to get a few good shots” but then he was interrupted by the sound of his cellphone ringing.

He read the caller ID and smiled while answering. “Hey honey”

The answer he received wasn’t pronounced with the same sweet tone.

“Clint, it’s time” said Phil apparently out of breath.

“What?” asked Clint confused.

“The baby Clint. Vivian’s in labour, Steve’s helping me getting her to the Tower”

“Shit! But the due date is in a week!” babbled Clint.

“Babies are not robots, they can come early. Now please get down to Medbay and tell Bruce we’re coming” said Phil and then hang up.

“Shit.” said Clint blinking and letting the phone drop off his hand.

“What is troubling you so, my friend?” asked Thor confused.

“I’m becoming a father. Vivian’s in labour.” he was so panicked that everything he said sounded flat.

“Oh that is marvellous news!” boomed Thor smiling and crushing Clint into a big hug. ” Congratulations! Is the surrogate well?” he then asked, visibly concerned.

“I don’t know. I think so, they’re taking her here. I’ve gotta notify Bruce” he said and headed to Medbay with Thor following him, who shouted the good news to everyone they encountered on their way.

“My shieldbrother is about to become a father! Isn’t this marvellous?”

An hour later everyone was in the hospital wing’s waiting room. Pepper and Natasha were talking in hushed voices and flipping through a catalogue of babies clothes. Thor was entertaining a shocked looking Steve with the story about when he helped birthing a foal. Tony instead, was nervously pacing the room and after probably the hundredth lap he gave up and asked:

“Why is this taking so long? it’s just a small thing after all! If they’ don’t come put in 10 minutes I’m going in to check”

“Calm down Tony” said Pepper rolling her eyes. “Birth is not a simple thing. Sometimes it takes hours so stop worrying and sit down”

“I’m not worried.” he protested.

“Of course not Stark” Natasha teased him.

  
It was another hour before the big doors connecting the waiting room to the actual hospital wing opened.

“Oh finally!” exclaimed Tony, standing up with everyone else.

The first to come out was Bruce, who looked a bit worn out but smiling.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you the Coulson Family!” he announced, then stepped aside and Clint and Phil appeared, holding a bundle of blankets.

They were both beaming and their eyes were glossy.

“Hey guys” said Clint holding the baby a bit more vertically and lifting one of its little hands in a sort of wave “I’m Ava”

A choir of “Awww” and congratulations raised from their friends who approached. Clint handed the baby to Natasha and Pepper who started making silly voices at her. Natasha started talking to her in russian, ignoring Clint who told her she couldn’t understand and justifying herself by saying that Ava had to be in a full immersion since birth if they wanted her to learn russian. She definitely had to learn her godmother’s language. Steve actually teared up as he held the baby and Tony started teasing him.

“Hey Cap didn’t they make you hold and kiss babies? Are you not used to that?” he teased.

“That’s different Tony! She’s family! I’m her godfather! I’m gonna have responsabilities!” protested Steve, cradling the baby to his chest and placing a little kiss on her forehead. Pepper actually heard his whispering “Don’t worry little princess, I’m gonna protect you. And I’m sure my friend Buck would be happy to be your guardian angel from up there.” but she was polite enough to pretend she didn’t hear him.

When Steve was done they let Thor held her only if he sat down and didn’t move.

“Be careful Thor. Unlike Mijolnir or Asgardian babies she’s very fragile.” explained Pepper in a worried tone.

“She is very small indeed” he said holding his hand under her head, observing her carefully “But already a very fair lady! Congratulations my friends!” he added smiling broadly to Clint and Phil.

When it was Tony’s turn he looked at her suspiciously for a couple of moments, delicately poked her nose with his pointer finger a couple of times and then grinned widely.

“Hi baby girl! It’s uncle Tony here! Say T-O-N-Y” he said.

“Don’t be stupid” said Pepper smacking him in the back of his head.

“Oh come on! She’s beautiful Pep! I want one!” he whined.

“Oh no way I’m making one of these for you until you don’t lear to look after yourself first” she bit back and he pouted, handing back Ava to her fathers but not before whispering in her small ear “Don’t worry baby. Uncle Tony will be the funniest, wait until you can at least recognise me”.Then he joined Bruce who was sitting on a couch, exhausted.

“You did a good job Doc” he said.

“Thanks Tony...” said Bruce shyly “I’m gonna check on the mother now...” and he left just as Tony pulled up the Amazon app on his cellphone and started buying stuffed animals and baby gadgets with IronMan on them. In the opposite corner of the room Phil observed his newborn daughter fondly for a moment and then turned to kiss Clint.

“She looks just like you. She’s perfect” he said.

Clint kissed him back and then said “Well, she’ll better learn to be like you or we’ll have you in a psychiatric clinic by the time she’s 3” he said and they all started chuckling.

Later that night, as Phil was feeding Ava sitting in bed beside a sleeping Clint, he looked around him and smiled. He thought about back to almost 3 years before, when he decided he had made the first real decision after years of complying. He had never thought it would have gone so well, but now he was happy, happy as he could ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everybody, it's finished! Thank you for all the kudos! I really hope you liked it.  
> If you're interested I'm kind of starting to write a Spock/Kirk, but I don't know when I'll be done.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. Maybe you guys already knew but Ava is actually Jeremy Renner's daughter and I absolutely love the name so yeah I named Phil and Clint's baby after her! I hope you liked the idea:)


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